– Jan Scholten
‘I was never allowed to be a child’
Baryta muriatica can look very much like Baryta carbonica, but it does have its own specific characteristics.
Concepts
Baryta Muriatica
Ridiculed Self pity
Small, futile Care and nurturing
Retarded Mother
Hiding Attention
Shyness Self-awareness
Group analysis
The group analysis gives us as the essence the idea that they cannot be a good mother, that they are such a bad mother that everyone will laugh at them. They feel that they cannot cope taking care of the children. This makes them very depressed, with a desire to withdraw. Their behaviour might seem very childish, also because of their exaggerated fear of doing something wrong. They often did not get enough attention themselves when they were a child, their own mother disapproving of their childish behaviour. A variation of this can be that they feel that they are not allowed to ask for attention. As a child they felt that they should not ask for anything. One of my patients put it like this: ‘I felt that I was not allowed to be a child’. They live with the idea that any behaviour that is childish, dependent or asking for attention is ridiculous. That is also the reason why they don’t like to play: playing is childish. In both cases the motherly care is very chaotic and inconsistent. One could laugh at it if it weren’t so sad. Another variation on the theme might be that of the mother of a retarded child. She has to take care (Muriaticum) of a ‘ridiculous, idiotic’ child. In this case she may have the feeling that she herself is ridiculous: ‘someone who produces such a child must be a bit strange herself’. A final variation on the theme might be the situation of someone who is the child of a retarded mother. The original situation could be that the mother suffers from dementia. The mother starts behaving in a very childish way and asking for a lot of attention, just as a child would do. Later on she is taken into (hidden in) a nursing home. This situation might cause a feeling of shame about their mother. They would rather not talk about it. They even feel disinclined to go and see their mother. Added to this will be a fear that they themselves may end up like this. Visiting their mother brings back this fear each time. Because of their feelings of insecurity, their behaviour is often very childish. In the repertory we will find this in the rubrics ‘foolish’, ‘childish’, ‘cretinism’, also in ‘delusion walks on his knees’, and ‘delusion legs are cut off’. Other rubrics are ‘company aversion’ and ‘strange, everything looks’. We also find in the literature the symptom of increased sexual desires, but I have not seen this myself. It does not really fit into the theme of the group analysis. It is possible that the increased sexuality is a symptom belonging to a complementary remedy. It is also possible that the general childishness and desire for nurturing makes them crave for physical contact,which they express by asking for cuddles, or sitting on someone’s lap. This could be interpreted as sexual behaviour and they probably would not mind what it was called.
Case
A woman, aged 35, has recently had a child. Her main complaint is that since then she has been terribly tired. Another complaint is her headache. She has the sensation as if a wooden plank is going through her head from front to back. When she takes on opinions or judgments from others the headache gets extremely bad. She is inclined to take on other peoples opinions. Her eyes burn and feel as if they are being pushed out. The headache is () fresh, open air, (2), wind, cold sponge, rubbing the temples and occiput, walking. The headache is not better or worse from eating. Sometimes she feels nausea at the same time.
Past history: Menstruation problems, menses were very irregular: every six to eight weeks. During ovulation tension in the stomach and back pains for a week. Sterility. In 1983 she had an infection in her right ovary.
Cystitis many times.
General characteristics:
Temperature: cold (2), cold feet (3), (>) fresh air (2), fear of wind.
Time: in the morning she feels sad, at the end of the afternoon she gets irritable.
Desires: cheese (2), peanuts (2), salt, spicy (2).
Aversion: meat (2).
Sleep: restless, tossing around; also because of breast feeding.
Mind: Since the birth of her child she is not at all well. She is very tired and feels unstable. The first three weeks, while she was still in hospital, it was not so bad, but when she came home she felt as if the whole world was upside down. When the baby cries she becomes exasperated. She has the feeling that she cannot take care of her baby,that she constantly has to do more than she is able to. She recognises herself in this baby, and she was not allowed to be a child. Now she feels that she has not got a solid base upon which she can be a good mother. She feels very unsure about herself: ‘Who can tell me how to do this well?’ Her own mother is no help, either. She has had a lot of problems with her own mother. The mother felt herself to be rather special, but had not pursued her own career. This made her sulky and she constantly asked for attention by having headaches or being tired. She was very bitter and demanded the support of others, especially her brother. Her father was a sad, sweet and rather pathetic person. He found a bit of relief in alcohol. He gave his wife big presents and always asked her ‘Is something the’ matter?’, to which she always replied with a sigh: ‘No, nothing at all’. Her father was always very careful and didn’t dare to be strict with his wife. When she was 18, he committed suicide. Nobody ever talked about this afterwards. On the one hand she was very upset, and on the other hand she was rather relieved. It was not until much later that she started to grieve for her father. So the atmosphere in the house was very depressing. She was the youngest of three children. Her eldest sister often had rows with her father. Her brother cut himself off from it all. She herself tried to prevent quarrels. She felt caught between her two parents. Later on she often looked after her mother too. She used to come home every weekend to take care of her. But the relationship is very tense. A little while ago she dreamt that she was very angry with her mother and shouted at her ‘To hell with you!’. She is often very depressed. She has received treatment for this in the form of therapy. That is also where she met her husband. They have a good marriage, only the sexual part is difficult for her. She feels held back by her own frustrations. She has a negative image of being a woman. She feels unsure of herself and is easily influenced by others. She also feels guilty when she is ill. Sometimes she wishes that she was dead. The thought of not having the choice over her own death makes her feel bad.
Analysis
The picture put together by group analysis makes this a clear Bar-m case. She feels weak and useless as a mother, she thinks that she will get into a complete muddle with it. Her relationship with her own mother also fits into this theme. This is a case where repertorising the symptoms would hardly make Bar- m come into the picture.
Reaction After Bar-m 1M she did very well. In the course of the following year it was repeated four times. After that the feeling of being an ‘incapable mother’ disappeared.
Picture of Baryta muriatica
Essence: the delusion of being a stupid mother who will get laughed at. Or being a child who has the delusion that he will be laughed at if he asks for care and attention.
Mind: As a child they feel neglected. That is why they have such a need for being nurtured and cherished. But they can’t ask for it, they don’t even dare to show it. They are afraid of being laughed at. They think that it is childish to want these things.
They don’t like playing either, because it is too childish.
As an adult they will try to ask for attention indirectly. They might start to show many complaints and be very pathetic. And when others offer to help them, they will say ‘No, don’t bother’. But they don’t mean it, because they do want that attention. So if the other person takes it literally and really doesn’t bother, they feel very neglected. And so their behaviour becomes very ambiguous and demanding. The other person may feel very guilty every time they meet. They are not good enough as a mother or parent. At least this is how they feel, and because they feel so unsure about themselves it almost has to go wrong. They feel that they will make a mess of it and that everything they do is ridiculous. This they will also try to hide for fear of being laughed at. On the other hand they can get totally absorbed in their care for the children. The same fear of not being good enough makes them go the other way, doing everything they can towards the education of the children all the time.
General characteristics:
Location: left sided
Temperature: cold, (